Archer asked Malcolm what he is doing.  OHHR (Our hot and horny Reed) Looks back and forth at Archer and Hoshi, like 'Who me?!'  He licks his lips and says, 'Risa's very cosmopolitan.'  Species from all over ensure Trip and Reed will 'Broaden their cultural horizons.' >80)  Malcolm blushes, but laughs.   Hoshi asks if they think of anything else but wang chung.  Reed's smile falls, perhaps because his thoughts of wang chung and T'Pol were interupted.  Trip says how they choose to relax is up to them, and Reed laughs again.
    Archer tells our bad boys to be careful.  Reed smiles even bigger at the thought of getting an STD.  Hoshi talks about relying on the UT too much, and Malcolm checks her out, until she says she's doing something constructive this trip.  He looses all interest then! ;0)   Reed giggles with Trip, and Tucker disses Hoshi!  Hoshi whines that the UT does all the work and Rostov pipes, 'Isn't that what it's for?'  Malcolm cranes his neck and sits up like There's somebody up there? Who?! It must be Hostile!

    T'Pol meanwhile, crosses her arms and frowns at Cutler.  T'Pol however is compassionate to Phlox, wishing him  pleasant dreams and even to Archer, whom she sends a copy of Surak. Here's to hopin' He takes some of that Vulcan wisdom!
    Ah yes, The Cocopacabana that is Trip and Reed.  Mr. Reed looks better in red, and I'll try not to mention the Miami Vice wearing of Trip, but I digress. Malcolm eyes an alien chick next to him, but Trip paws at him and suggests an off camera chick.  Malcolm declines, and Trip wants to know what is wrong.  Malcolm puts his tongue in his cheek.  'Nothing, I suppose,' says Reed. 'I just wouldn't know which eyes to look into!'
    They cackle some more.   Malcolm paws Trip and points at another chick.  'Now she's interesting!'  Malcolm needs to smile more! 'I don't think she is the right pronoun,' Trip giggles.  The look on Malcolm's face is hysterical.  'But if you think its worth the risk!' Trip prompts, and Reedy wishes he had brought his scanner.
    A waitress brings the boys drinks and Malcolm has his tongue up his ear again. What is with that? Oh! Thank You! Malcolm leers and totally checks out her bum.  Trip, now an ass convert, confirms 'Now that's a she!'  Malcolm looks up and thanks all the gods above for his prospective getting some.  Tripeed toast to a well earned vacation.

    Don't mind me if I skip over everything else 80)  I wonder how much time has passed? Trip and Reed are still in the same club, getting more drunk by the minute.  Malcolm wants to go to another club, but Trip says he checked the Vulcan database, and 'no one leaves this club unhappy.'  Malcolm counters, 'How would Vulcans know? They only mate once every seven years!' Malcolm sighs and casully turns away. He checks out a passing chick, then sips his drink to cover up that he knows different!
    Trip thinks the Vulcans are lying.  Reed's head swivels.  'Do you know something I don't?!' Deflect suspicion, Malcolm. Deflect.  'Cmon. Seven years?! I doubt even T'Pol could hold out that long,' says Trip. Reedygoodness shifts at the thought of seven years, but raises his brow at the thought of T'Pol not holding out.  'She's very disciplined!' Malcolm sips his drink and gets lost in thoughts of Dominatrix T'Pol >80)
    Trip spots willing chicks and tells Malcolm '180'.  Malcolm, Tactical genius that he is, is so drunk and dreaming of T'Pol that he doesn't know what Trip means.  Sweet Malcolm looks behind him and crumbles.  'Is there anything in that database that could help us get the conversation going?'

    Trip neglects to introduce Malcolm, so he stands up and says 'I'm Malcolm.' <sigh> 'Would you join us for a drink?' For someone who fears starting conversation, he just did it pretty well. 80) The chicks suck on the drink umbrellas and our boys fumble quickly for the waitress! hehe.
    Briefly I wonder if Reed would have fallen for the Tandaran chick's tricks? Anyway.  Reed is all over his chick while Tucker recounts their daring Shuttlepod One adventure.  Reed buts in that blowing up the engine for a resuce flare was his idea.  I think he slurred. He is so drunk.  'Why don't you tell them about the time you saved Enterprise in your underwear?!' Which time? And how would Reed know? He was asleep.
    Trip says he saved the Captain's life, forgetting he told the chicks that he was Captain.  'We rotate. He's Captain next week.' Trip corrects and Malcolm is so plastered he does a little salute with his left hand.

The girls invite the 'Captains' to the Subterrainen Gardens.  Reed thinks its kind of kinky, and the boys can't believe their luck.  Malcolm grows suspicious too late. 'This is a strange way to get to the garden.' Dark stairs, storage.  You think Malcolm?  He puts his hands in his pockets, but still turns to Trip and giggles. Reedy looks around for a soft place to wang chung nonetheless. The chicks start to ask about money.  'Excuse me?' Malcolm says.  I think he thought he might have to pay for the wang chung.
    Trip figures its a setup up, and the girls morph into beasties.  Tirp and Reed run, but the baddies knock 'em down and debate about taking their clothes.  Reed puts his hands up and looks likes he enjoys being frisked.  The beasties stun the boys and leave.

    Back on Enterprise, T'Pol is chilling in the Captain's chair.  She's got time to relax since she doesn't have to get up and drool over by Tactical.  Mayweather gets hurt again and asks T'Pol if she's ever been to an alien hospital.  'Yes. In San Fransico.' T'Pol deadpans so British.
    Reerip wake up tied and skivvied.  Reed is already up when Trip wakes.  'Morning' Reed mumbles.  He's hungover, but realizes they've been there all night.  Malcolm tells Trip he already tried calling for help but the club is closed.   Reed finds it odd the Vulcan Database didn't mention crime, and Trip admits it had a mention of it being rare.  'What? Wonderful!' Reed rolls his eyes, and Trip claims that Malcolm think's its his fault.
'You were willing to follow two strange aliens into a basement!' Reed's eyes bug out.
'Gorgeous. Don't forget they were gorgeous!'
'They were MALE!'
'Not at first!'
    Trip twists things around 80) and says no one forced Malcolm to follow.  Reedygoodness panics that Archer will find them like this and he struggles against the ropes. <growl!>
 

    T'Pol, meanwhile, is stuck with Cutler.  The Ensign whispers, but T'Pol speaks loudly, saying Phlox is in too deep sleeping to hear them.  'Wake up, Doc-tor.' Polly deadpans again!  Phlox refers to T'Pol as The Captain, and T'Pol gets a Horrified Zoolander look.  Jolene is a model you know! ;0)
    Eventually Reedygoodness and his partner in crime Trip get out of the ropes. 'Whatever was in that bottle you broke got all over me. It stinks to high heaven!' Now that would have been worth seeing! >80) Trip contests 'We needed something to cut through those ropes.' Someone laughs at their predicament as the boys pass through the club.  They walk out, trying to keep their heads up high, but they just can't! hehehe.
    Trip and Reed sulk on the pod ride back to Enterprise. They are in their hotel robes and slippers and look like total dorks.  Porthos comes up and sniffs Malcolm. Our boy shifts, but smiles.  So he might actually like dogs!   Hoshi gets a wiff and asks 'What's that smell?'
'I don't smell anything!' Malcolm says emphatically. Archer chuckles at them, and Trip says its a 'Fascinating culture sir.' Reedy smiles and agrees, but he looks at Trip as if to say You will pay!  Trip seems clueless about Hoshi's learning of  several new 'conjugations' but Malcolm laughs. He knows what that means! 80)